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So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.
My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat...Sorry!
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
Your computer is dead... it was once so alive. Don't you regret installing Windows 95?
You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... the case of Bud Dry?
Saw something today that reminded me of you. As a matter of fact it was the shit on my shoe!