If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose
go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura,
Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
Bob and John go out for a night, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head
and Useless.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie,
Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though
it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want
change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come
the pocket calculators.
MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A
woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom:
a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap,
and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number
of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any
argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but
when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the
future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes
more money than his wife can spend.
A successful
woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman
expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping,
water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone,
read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they
went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during
the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about
her children. She knows about dentist appointments
and romances, best friends and favorite foods and
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely
aware of some short people living in the house.