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Bob and John go out for a night, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

 

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

 

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

 

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

 

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

 

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and
secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.