• Pagan girls make the best wives because they worship the ground you walk on.
  • I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
  • When I was
  • I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
  • I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
  • I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  • Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.
  • What do you call a used tampon floating in a river? A blood vessel.
  • What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common? They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant with a prostitute? A two-ton pickup.
  • On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past.... but never forgets the present.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • Teacher: The only reason I always try to meet and know the parents better is because it helps me to forgive the children.
  • What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.
  • I break for imaginary objects
  • What do you call a used tampon floating in a river? A blood vessel.
  • Why do women prefer old gynecologists? They have shaky hands!
  • What's the difference between sin and shame? It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
  • How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One ... Men will screw anything.
  • Money can't buy you love, but it sure makes shopping fun!
  • Wrestlers don't like to be put on hold.
  • My electrician usually worries about current events.


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Best News Bloopers of 2012
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