The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol
on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she
snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come
waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
A sweet girl of Seventeen is very eager to offer a small lovely "TRIANGULAR PLOT" for sale which is centrally located on the slop of the
lower area but not observed or explored by anybody till date.
For the last Seventeen years the plot being tenderly cared and looked
after by the girl herself.
The plot is fertile and can bear best
result even in the first planting.
For the last four years the plot was
covered with shiny black curly grass which is very tender to touch.
No
machine has yet been used for trimming the grass which has now covered the
whole area.
Another thing which adds beauty of the plot is the fantastic pond hidden
under it.
Offer are immediately invited from young men with firm and
energetic capital which can be put in easily and this must give outflowing
white liquid capital.
The young men should be strong enough to plough in
hard with his own tool.
Although initially it
will be hard and a bit difficult to cut open the gate seal.
Once the
capital is put in the entrance will not repent and will be delighted to
have ventured into the site.
Since the neighbors are waiting for an
opportunity to the pounce this marvelous plot make haste to be first to
enter into the site.
Yet another fact to be disclosed regarding the site
is that the "DOUBLE HILLS" on the top of the said plot is already
captured by the local students.
Anyhow, they are not permitted to go
down.
Offer for lease or retail will not be accepted.
NB : ENTRANCE FROM THE BACK GATE STRICTLY PROHIBITED.
A group of Irish gangsters are sitting around deliberating over
methods they will employ in robbing a bank.
After a lot of thought they all agree on the way to go about it.
In the
wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to
get rich.
Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling theinternal security
system get under way.
The robbers expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and
valuables were more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes
scattered strategically throughout the bank.
The first safe's combination was cracked, and inside the robbers found
only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
"Well," said one robber to another, at least we got a bit to eat."
They opened up the second safe and it also contained nothing but
vanilla pudding, and the process continued until all the safes were
opened and there was not one dollar, a diamond, nor an ounce of
gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contained containers of
pudding.
Disappointed, each of the mobsters made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing
more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.
The following morning, a Dublin newspaper headline read
"IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING."
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led
down
to the room in which they would their maker.
The priest had given them
last
rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer
had
been said among the participants.
The warden, turning to the first man,
solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please
play the Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well,
what about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
An elderly gentlemen went to the doctor for a physical.
After examining
the man, the doctor said "I think you are alright, but just the same
before you leave I would like a urine sample, a stool sample, and a semen
sample."
The man, who was a little hard of hearing, turned to his wife and
said "What did the doctor say?"
His wife quickly replied "He wants your shorts!!!!!"
Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married ten years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."
The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"
The first one said, "Not in the slightest."
Said the other woman, "You must be a saint!"
To which, the first woman replied, "Why should I object? A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
From the folks who make the Invisible Fence for cats and dogs, now comes the Invisible Fence Bra for your teenage daughter!
Using advanced electromagnetic technology; the Invisible Fence Bra creates a safety zone around Daddy's Little Angel.
If a horny young bastard has decided to skip the Church social and head right to the Devil's Playground, your daughter will be safe and secure with this bra.
Attempting to remove it without keying in the secret combination results in a "slight correction" to the horny young bastard.
Voltage levels are set in ten ascending doses including:
and, the ultimate level
A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup.
"Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor
asked.
"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest
cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think
I might be a hemophiliac?"
"Well, hemophilia is a genetic disorder, and it's most often
found in men," answered the doctor. " But, some woman do
get hemophilia. Tell me, how much you lose when you have
your period?" inquired the doctor.
After some quick calculating, hooker replied, "Oh, about
seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."
A woman goes to a doctors and says 'Doctor, I've got a problem. You see,
I was born with 3 fannies. What can you do for me?'.
The doctor gets the woman onto the table and examines her.
Sure enough,
she has three fannies, side by side.
After a moments thought the doctor
goes to his desk, opens a draw and gets out a roll of gaffer tape.
He
then proceeds to tear off two strips and places them over the woman's
two outer fannies.
'Ok then' says the doctor when he's finished, 'you can get dressed and
go now'.
'Has that cured my problem then' says the woman.
'Not really' says the doctor, 'but at least it'll stop you getting
fucked left, right and centre.
There's an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says: "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!
The Scotsman says: "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other days when I found a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as didn't even know she drank!"
With that the Irishman says: "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a half empty box of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on
autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you
must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then
licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in
front of them.
After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck
my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."
