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10 Random Jokes

Life
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After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me,"Maybe life isn't for everyone."--Larry Brown

 

Limericks
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Here's to woman, that beautiful vine,
she blooms once a month, and bears once in nine.
She is the only creature this side of hell,
that can take juice

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On The Bannisters Of Life – Ponder This
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  1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
  2. The difference between the Pope and your boss... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
  3. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
  4. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  5. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drinkspilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
  6. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
  7. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
  8. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
  9. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
  10. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
  11. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog.I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies
    could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
  12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
  13. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

 

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Bear Hunting
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Frank was so excited to be going bear hunting.

He spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Then there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black

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Car Terminology
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 The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand."

"He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad said, "You

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Substitute Teacher
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Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after

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Safe Restaurant Sex
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Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?

They write the bill on a condom so you can wine and dine your date, and then stick her with the bill.

Women With Big Tits…
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  • can get a taxi on the worst days
  • have a neat place to carry spare change
  • have always been the center of the arts (art) ..
  • make jogging a spectator sport ..
  • can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ..
  • have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ..
  • usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ..
  • can always carry a little extra ..
  • always float better ..
  • know where to look first for lost earrings ..
  • rarely lack for a slow dance partner ..
  • have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
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All About You
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Makes for a fun read, even if you don't believe in this sort of thing.

The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you drive all give clues to your sexual

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Church Repairs
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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the

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