The Goblin 0votes
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!".
So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?".
The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in."
The Goblin replies "OK, you've got it."
The Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes."
"OK, you've got that too."
"My last wish is a million dollars!".
The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me."
"OK then, if that's what it takes…"
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?"
"I'm 27", she replies
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins?"
A woman goes to see her doctor about some steroids she had been taking.
When the doctor sees her she says, "Doctor, I’m a little concerned about this medication you have been giving me."
He asks her, "What’s the problem?"
She replies, "Well, I’ve been developing this hair on my chest."
She unbuttons the first two buttons at the top of her shirt and shows a thick patch of hair to the doctor.
The doctor exclaims, "My God! How far down does that go?"
She replies, "All the way down to my testicles, and that’s ANOTHER thing that I wanted to talk to you about."
Any of you who have ever seen an old fashioned formal wedding portrait will notice that the man is seated, and the woman is standing alongside.
While that may seem just the reverse of what it should be–think about it.
He was probably too damn tired to stand, and she was too damn sore to sit down.
Finally – The Truth About Diets! 0votes
For those of you who watch what you eat… Here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
- The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
- The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Businesses That Failed 0votes
- GERIATRIC CITY – Quality housing for older citizens that couldn’t attract retirees, despite the mirrored bedroom ceilings, the hot tubs, the adjacent burial plots and other amenities.
- PUMP AND HUMP – A Nevada brothel that offered self-service gasoline to its customers.
- STICKY WICKETS – Pre-owned erotica for sale at attractive discount prices.
- HAIR AND NOW – Fast, inexpensive hair replacement using cat fur and thumb tacks.
- PARADISE LOST AND FOUND – A gynecological clinic franchise specializing in "25,000 mile tune-ups".
- UNIX FOR HIRE – A computer consulting firm that just couldn’t build a long-term customer base.
- SCRATCH AND SNIFF – A new medication for hemorrhoids…available in all your favorite fragrances.
- THIS LITTLE PIGGY – A Kosher meat market in Brooklyn.
- T.G.I.T.A. – ( Thank God It’s Tuesday Afternoon) A sour dough garlic coated family size pizza specialty on Tuesday afternoons.
- BARBIE BUST ENHANCEMENT FRANCHISE – The first two locations went bust.