Doesn’t Matter!**** 1vote
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying
The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter.... let's look for yours."
Letters To Santa 0votes
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy
Nice spelling. You're on your way to
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay; I'll set you up with a Barbie.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Defective Nails 0votes
Two blondes were working on a house.
The one who was nailing down siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail
The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got angry and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!!"
An important executive was telling friends at his country club about some of his life experiences:
"So I bought this yacht that could carry fifty people and I took it out for a maiden voyage
"Then I bought an airplane and on the first flight it hit another plane on the field and burned up."
"Then I married this beautiful blonde and no sooner did I get home than I found her fooling around with the chauffeur and I had to divorce her."
"So what's the moral?" one of the others asked.
"Clear as a bell," said the old man. "If it swims, flies, or fucks, ....lease it, ...don't buy it."
In The Laundromat 0votes
A brother went in a laundry mat to wash his clothes and he notices that his clothes that he's wearing are dirty.
So he takes 'em off and puts them into the washer.
class="MsoPlainText">So he's naked.
Then a blonde and brunette come in.
So he grabs a cigarette and goes in the corner and acts like a statue.
Then the brunette comes up and sticks a quarter up his ass and pulls on his dick and his cigarette goes flying out.
The brunette says "Hey Blondie, look. It's a cigarette dispenser!"
So the blonde sticks a quarter up his ass and yanks his cock.
She pulls and pulls and pulls.
Then she looks at the brunette and says "No it's not! It's a hand lotion machine!"