5 Blonde Jokes

New York Cabbies
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A woman and her son are taking a cab in New York City. It's raining and all the hookers are standing under the awnings.

The young boy asks, "Mom, what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work."

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers "yes."

"Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"

"Most of them become cab drivers."

 

Quickies
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  • Because they have to pay for their own uniforms the nurses in Sweden are threatening to come to work naked.
    Somehow I think that's going to be a long strike.
  • Q: Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
    A: He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
  • Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
    A: So that when they're on the subway train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
  • Q: Why are hurricanes usually named after women?
    A: Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.
  • Q: What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?
    A: A homo-sex-y'all.
  • Q: What do you call a Jewish wife who catches her husband in bed act with his secretary?
    A: "The Plaintiff."
  • Q: How did the Pollack teach his kid to put on his underwear?
    A: Brown spots in the back..Yellow spots in the front

 

Inflatable Doll
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A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

Customer says, "Female"

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

Customer says, "White"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"

Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

 

Rehab
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A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting.

Their task for the day is to each stand up in turn, speak their name, and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed.

The first prisoner stands and says, "My name is Gabe and I’m in for murder."

Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing.

The next guy stands up and says, "My name is Rich and I’m in for armed robbery."

Again, there is a round of approving looks.

This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy.

He stands up and says, "My name is Eli, but I’m not telling you what I’m in for."

The group leader says, "Now, come on Eli, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did."

"OK then," agrees Eli, "I’m in for fornicating with dogs."

Everyone is disgusted. One in the group shouts out, "That’s sick! How low can you go!?!"

"Chihuahuas," replies Eli.

 

Knocked Up!
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Carla was in her late 60's when she went to the doctor, complaining of nausea, exhaustion and cramps.

After a thorough examination he finally confronted her with, "Carla, although it's medically impossible, even at your extended age, there's no doubt about it, you are pregnant."

"Impossible," she cried, and fainted dead away.

When she came to she staggered to the phone and dialed up her 83 year old boyfriend, "You old goat, you've knocked me up."

There was a long pause at the other end of the line, then a voice asked… "And to whom am I speaking?"

 

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