Blonde Painter 0votes
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money.
She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.
The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.
"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Clever Puss! 0votes
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
To his delight,
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman.
Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.
Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb??
A: None.... Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
Q: Is it ok to eat out on
A: Well, it's usually best to try an old-fashioned French Kiss first...
Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathmatician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
Q: Did you hear about the constipated jitterbug?
A: He couldn't jit.
Q: Well, did you hear about the constipated accountant?
A: He couldn't budget.
Q: Did you hear that O.J. is endorsing a new margarine product?
A: It's called, "I Can't Believe I'm Not Guilty!"
Q: Have you heard about the new Home Cloning Kit?
A: You open up the box and there's one page of instructions. Actually, just one instruction: "Go fuck yourself."
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic gynecologist?
A: He wants to look at your vinegar.
Q: Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was busted for drug smuggling
at the airport?
A: Seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack.
Q: Know why its called a blow "job" ?
A: So the feminists can attach a sort of quasi-work ethic to it without admitting they're really just another bunch of cocksuckers.
Q: What's another name for a zipper?
A: A Penis Fly Trap.
Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: What's the difference between O.J. and American justice?
A: O.J. is free.
Q: Why do lawyers wear ties?
A: To keep the foreskin from slipping up over their heads.
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
A: He was buttering up his teacher.
Q: Why do blondes prefer black panties?
A: They wear them as a memorial for all the stiffs that were buried down there.
Q: Why was Ronald McDonald fired?
A: They caught him giving Wendy a Whopper at Burger King.
One Liners 0votes
- Confucius: Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit.
- If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
- Why can't blondes make ice cubes? Because they always forget the recipe.
Iwalked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.
- Great men are those who find that what they OUGHT to do and what they WANT to do are the SAME thing.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- Doctors will tell you that if you eat slowly you will eat less. Anybody raised in a large family will tell you the same thing.
- The toughest thing about homework is getting mom and pop to agree on the same answer.
- I looked at a pair of walking shoes the other day.They cost $120. For that kind of money I could take a cab.
- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?Read More
New Dogs 0votes
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"