10 Random Jokes

Three Big Smiles
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure

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Fake Plastic Surgeon Sought For Botched Operations
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Miami Beach, FL - Police are looking for a "butcher" with no medical training who, while posing as a plastic surgeon, mutilated at least three people, including a former male champion bodybuilder who received women's

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Estrogen Issues
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10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

  1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
  2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
  3. The dryer has shrunk every last
  4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
  5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
  6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
  7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
  8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
  9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
  10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

 

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Nasty News
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A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams.

Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news.

"The good

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Observations
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  • By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
  • Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
  • The most valuable function performed by the federal government
  • There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  • The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
  • On the other hand, Rome was burnt in a day.
  • Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."

 

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One-liners
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  • I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
  • Don't play stupid with me.... I'm better at it!
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses!
  • The more I learn, the
  • Do unto others, then run.
  • I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
  • My wife gets more dirt out of a phone than she can out of a vacuum cleaner!
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  • A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
  • Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
  • The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
  • I used to be a heavy gambler but now I just make mental bets; that's how I lost my mind.

 

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Vampires In Venice
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Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go.

They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.

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Men’s Thoughts During Love Making
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Kissing/Light Petting

What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"

 

Undressing

What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at

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Unknown Story
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor.

She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied.

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Classes For Women
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Classes for women at the learning center for adults - registration must be completed by Oct 5th.

Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class size will

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