Virgin Volcano 0votes
There was a great eruption of a south sea island volcano, and the witch doctor appealed to the tribal chief, demanding that a virgin be sacrificed to appease the volcano.
The chief apologized, "I've used up
Heart Attack….. 0votes
A man came home from work early one day and found his wife naked and panting on the bed.
"Honey," she said, thinking quickly, "I think I'm having a heart
While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly stumbled over his crying four-year-old, who told him there was a naked man in the closet.
He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend.
"For goodness sake, Dave" he shouted, "Jill's having a heart attack and here you are scaring the kids to death!"
Blow Jobs 0votes
There's nothing better than waking up to your girlfriend giving you a blowjob.
Unless, maybe, it was your wife giving you the blowjob.
Or maybe your wife watching *her* girlfriend give you a
Better yet, your wife and her girlfriend *and* your girlfriend all fighting over who gets to give you a blowjob and they all decide to tag team on the blowjob.
The common theme, though, would be getting a blowjob.
Inherited Parrot 0votes
A young newly married couple inherited a parrot from an aged relative.
This parrot was very talkative, and was forever informing visitors as to what went on in the newlyweds' home.
One evening, after a
Two days later, the couple was preparing for a short trip, and as usual, the suitcase was too full to close.
So the husband said, "I'll get on top and jump up and down and you see if you can get it."
After a bit, the wife said, "This is no good. I'll get on top and you see if you can get it."
This still did not work, and so the husband said, "Tell you what, let's both get on top and bounce up and down. That'll get it."
With this, the parrot pulled off the cage cover and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I have got to see."
Gallons Of …. 0votes
People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were
What if you were to buy a gallon of . . .
- Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon
- Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon
- Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon
- Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon
- Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon
- Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon
- STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon
- Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
- Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
- Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon
- Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon
You get the idea. So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!
The King And I 0votes
A member of the faculty in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.
He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his classroom:
"Professor Jennings informs his students that he
When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his note:
"God save the King."
The Rules*** 1vote
Ok guys..here are the rules...
- The female always makes the rules.
- No male can possibly know all the rules.
- The rules are subject to change at any time without notification.
- If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she MUST immediately change some or all of the rules.
- The female is never wrong.
- If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said.
- If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
- The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
- The Male must never change his mind without written consent from the Female.
- The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
- The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
- The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
- Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
- If the Female has PMS, all rules are null and void.Read More
Geese, Ducks & Lawyers 0votes
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Sleeping Around 0votes
Ever notice how a 4 year olds voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning.
As I came
I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.
The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.
They said OK.
After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time.
Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.
As I entered the waiting area, my 4 year old son saw me, and came running shouting "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As I waved back, I said loudly, "What is the good news?"
"The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted.
The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
Feeling Down 0votes
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, laid on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the
The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."