One day, a man rubbed a lamp.
A genie popped out of the lamp and said, "You have three wishes.
I will grant whatever you wish for, but remember, every politician in the world gets twice as
The man said, "that's easy! I want a million dollars."
A big pile of cash appeared in front of him.
"Now, each politician hse two million.
The man said, "never mind! I am happy as long as I have my million. Now, I want a Mercedes."
A red Mercedes appeared in front of him and the genie said, "Now, each politician has two of these."
The man was happier than ever.
He thought about his last wish, and said, "You know, I have always wanted to donate a kidney..."
Wife Or Girlfriend 0votes
A physicist, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife or a girlfriend.
The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no hassles.
The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a representative; an extension of yourself at important gatherings with influential people."
The physicist says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife and a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the while you're at the lab doing research!"
Two Brothers 0votes
There are two brothers, eight and nine.
On Christmas morning, they run downstairs to see their presents.
The oldest one discovers to his delight that he got a bicycle, a Playstation,
Meanwhile, the eight-year-old just got some new underwear and sweaters and a Tonka truck.
"Ha ha," says the older one, I totally cleaned up this year, and all you got was some clothes and a Tonka truck."
The younger one just smiles, pushes his truck along the floor, and hums under his breath: "At least I don't have cancer . . . ."
Car Terminology**** 1vote
The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand."
"He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
Her Dad said, "You
Oh Yeah? 0votes
Two lovers were driving down a highway when the girl decided to give her lover a hand job.
The man soon lost control of the car & crashed into a tree.
The girl was thrown
The paramedics looked at the girl and air lifted her to the hospital.
Meanwhile, the man was hunched over in the car, moaning.
The paramedic asked him why he was moaning, since he did not appear to be hurt.
The man said, "Oh yeah?! Go look in her hand!"
Lucky 5 0votes
A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who's lucky number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend.
Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.
Better Than Viagra**** 1vote
There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that he can cure the man.
The man takes the doctors advice and that night after his wife has gone to sleep he reaches down between her legs and gets some of her juice and he rubs it on his upper lip right under his nose.
After a minute or two he starts to feel a tingling between his legs, so he grabs some more juice and rubs it under his nose. The next thing he knows he has a full erection.
He is real excited he wakes up his wife to share in the good news.
He wakes her up and says look what I have.
She rolls over and looked at him and says "You wake me up at two in the morning to show me that you have a Bloody Nose."
Recent Survey 0votes
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:
Five percent said it was to get a glass of water.
Twelve percent said it was to go
Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, low and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by a Mexican
"May I see your identification, por favor, senor?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Si, amigo, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," said the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Hillary Clinton tattooed on the other."
"This I must see," replied the agent.
With that, the American dropped his pants and bent over in front of the agent.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago, Senor."
"Thanks!" he said. "But why do you think I'm from Chicago?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Barack Obama in the middle!"
Happy Butt 0votes
It was this little girl's first day of school, and the teacher asked her what her name was.
She replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name. You
So she went to the principal's office, and he asked, "What's your name?"
And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all.
After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?"