10 Random Jokes

much as you wish for, so be careful what you wish for."

The man said, "that's easy! I want a million dollars."

A big pile of cash appeared in front of him.

"Now, each politician hse two million.

The man said, "never mind! I am happy as long as I have my million. Now, I want a Mercedes."

A red Mercedes appeared in front of him and the genie said, "Now, each politician has two of these."

The man was happier than ever.

He thought about his last wish, and said, "You know, I have always wanted to donate a kidney..."

 

When you get tired, you just move on."

The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a representative; an extension of yourself at important gatherings with influential people."

The physicist says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife and a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the while you're at the lab doing research!"

 

a whole bunch of new video games, a complete set of "Star Wars" action figures, and everything else on his Christmas list.

Meanwhile, the eight-year-old just got some new underwear and sweaters and a Tonka truck.

"Ha ha," says the older one, I totally cleaned up this year, and all you got was some clothes and a Tonka truck."

The younger one just smiles, pushes his truck along the floor, and hums under his breath: "At least I don't have cancer . . . ."

tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe." 

 

from the car, but the man seemed fine buckled in the car.

The paramedics looked at the girl and air lifted her to the hospital.

Meanwhile, the man was hunched over in the car, moaning.

The paramedic asked him why he was moaning, since he did not appear to be hurt.

The man said, "Oh yeah?! Go look in her hand!"

 

friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening.

Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.

Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.

 

tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he would get an erection.

The man takes the doctors advice and that night after his wife has gone to sleep he reaches down between her legs and gets some of her juice and he rubs it on his upper lip right under his nose.

After a minute or two he starts to feel a tingling between his legs, so he grabs some more juice and rubs it under his nose. The next thing he knows he has a full erection.

He is real excited he wakes up his wife to share in the good news.

He wakes her up and says look what I have.

She rolls over and looked at him and says "You wake me up at two in the morning to show me that you have a Bloody Nose."

 

to the bathroom.

Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.

Customs Agent at the Tijuana border.

"May I see your identification, por favor, senor?" asked the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.

"Si, amigo, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," said the agent.

"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Hillary Clinton tattooed on the other."

"This I must see," replied the agent.

With that, the American dropped his pants and bent over in front of the agent.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago, Senor."

"Thanks!" he said. "But why do you think I'm from Chicago?"

The agent replied, "I recognized Barack Obama in the middle!"

 

need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

So she went to the principal's office, and he asked, "What's your name?"

And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."

The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all.

After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?"