5 Little Johnny Jokes

Pet Iguana
**** 1vote

My son has a pet iguana, and he took it to school to show some of the other kids.

If you’ve ever seen an iguana, they have a large flap of skin that hangs down from their neck, and it’s called dewlap.

The kids were asking what it was, and he explained, and a little girl in his class said, “Oh! My grandma has one of those.”

 

Guardian Angel
     0votes

A woman opened the door of a building and was about to step outside when she heard a voice saying, "Don’t take that next step or you’ll regret it."

She paused and a brick came crashing to the pavement right where she would have been standing. She looked around and there was no one nearby.

The next day this woman was about to step into the street when she heard this same voice say, "Don’t take that next step or you’ll regret it."

As she paused a truck came racing by and smashed into a nearby vehicle.

She knew if she hadn’t listened to that voice she would have been hurt badly, or maybe even killed.

She looked behind her and there was no one nearby. "All right," she said, "Who are you ?"

"I’m your guardian angel," the voice replied.

"Aha," the woman said, "So where were you on my wedding day?"

Twins
     0votes

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption at birth.

One of the twins went to a family in Egypt, and was named “Amal.”

The other twin went to a family in Spain, and they named him “Juan.”

Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responded, “But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

Hillary’s First Night As President
**** 1vote

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.

She has waited so long ….

The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears…

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears…

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says, "Go to the theater – often."

 

Low-cal Cookies
     0votes

A father took his young daughter to the grocery store with him.

In addition to the healthy items on the carefully prepared shopping list his wife had given him, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.

The man noticed the glare of his wife and, before she could say anything, said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual."

"That's good. But are you sure?" she asked.

"Absolutely!" he replied.

"And how can you tell? You never read the labels."

"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home."

 

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