5 Little Johnny Jokes

his foot, he heard a noise and turned around.

To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer!

He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"

Still nothing - his foot was wedged tight!

The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him.

He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself..." 

 

this is?" She asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!"

"Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"

when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

him if he wanted a male or a female.

Little Johnny asked for both.

So the farmer said, "Here you go, one cock and one pullet."

Little Johnny got confused, and asked him what he meant.

The farmer said, "A cock is a male chicken and a pullet is a female chicken."

Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on his way with two chickens one under each arm.

A bit further down the road he saw a donkey for sale.

He went to the man who was selling it to find out how much it was.

The man said, "The ass is 15 dollars."

Little Johnny replied, "No, I want the donkey out side in your yard."

The man just said, "That's an ass."

Little Johnny, new to these terms, just said, "Oh," and bought the donkey.

As he was leaving the man yelled out, "Wait, the ass gets a bit stubborn about going over hills, so you have to scratch him behind the ears to get him going again."

So Little Johnny is going back home and the donkey stops dead in its tracks and he can't get it to move.

He can't scratch its ear because he would have to drop one of the chickens and it would run away.

So Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell at the donkey.

While he is doing this a beautiful woman walks up and asks him if he needs help.

Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try to impress this beautiful woman by using my new terms that I learned today.

So Little Johnny  turns to the woman and says, "Yeah, could you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"

 

 

and out -- and in and out -- and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Johnny, come in or stay out!'"