No Ears 0votes
Little Johnny's neighbors had a new baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When the mother brought the new baby home from the hospital, Little Johnny's family was
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word, "ears", he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Little Johnny looked into the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Little Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful. The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be shit outta luck if he needed glasses."
Stand Up! 0votes
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Not A Peep 0votes
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives.
The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to
The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home.
At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny and without comment, the game resumed.
For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the cardplayers continued without any further interruptions.
After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate"
Making Cigarettes 0votes
Little Johnny and his girl were walking along a trail in the woods.
Suzy noticed that some of the animals were behaving oddly.
"Little Johnny, why is that rabbit on top that other one?" she asked.
"Cigarettes?" she exclaimed, as they continue walking along.
Pretty soon they approached a couple of raccoons.
Suzy asked, "Are they making cigarettes too?"
"Yea," says Little Johnny.
Suzy looked around and said, "it looks like all the animals are making cigarettes, why don't we make cigarettes?"
Little Johnny was quick to say, "OK!"
An hour or so later Little Johnny and Suzy were walking out of the woods, when she asked, "Little Johnny, what kind of cigarettes did we make?"
Little Johnny stopped to think about his answer, then replied, "Well if you get a hump in your belly it's a Camel, and if you don't it was a Lucky Strike."
Tail Of The Cat 0votes
A teacher puts a photograph of a Tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to ask the class if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat?
Little Mary has the first attempt
The teacher replies "Not quite right Mary, but a good try."
Meanwhile all during the lesson Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying "Me, Miss! Me, Miss!"
The next student the teacher picks is Peter, and he answers "Is it attached by skin Miss?"
The teacher replies..."Not quite right either, Peter... anybody else want to try?"
Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny.
She said to Johnny "What do you think the tail is attached by?"
Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat... I'd say it would have to be bolted on!"