God, Please! 0votes
Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties.
He tried to get it out but it was really stuck.
As he struggled to free
To his horror he saw a train coming.
Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!"
Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer!
He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"
Still nothing - his foot was wedged tight!
The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.
He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress."
Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him.
He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself..."
Two Dicks 0votes
Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.
"Does anyone know what
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!"
"Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"
Piece Of Cake 0votes
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"
Selling Chickens 0votes
One day Little Johnny went walking around to check out his surroundings and found a farmer selling chickens.
Little Johnny went over to the farmer to see how much he was selling them for.
The farmer asked
Little Johnny asked for both.
So the farmer said, "Here you go, one cock and one pullet."
Little Johnny got confused, and asked him what he meant.
The farmer said, "A cock is a male chicken and a pullet is a female chicken."
Little Johnny said, "Oh," and went on his way with two chickens one under each arm.
A bit further down the road he saw a donkey for sale.
He went to the man who was selling it to find out how much it was.
The man said, "The ass is 15 dollars."
Little Johnny replied, "No, I want the donkey out side in your yard."
The man just said, "That's an ass."
Little Johnny, new to these terms, just said, "Oh," and bought the donkey.
As he was leaving the man yelled out, "Wait, the ass gets a bit stubborn about going over hills, so you have to scratch him behind the ears to get him going again."
So Little Johnny is going back home and the donkey stops dead in its tracks and he can't get it to move.
He can't scratch its ear because he would have to drop one of the chickens and it would run away.
So Little Johnny starts to fuss and yell at the donkey.
While he is doing this a beautiful woman walks up and asks him if he needs help.
Little Johnny thinks, hey, why don't I try to impress this beautiful woman by using my new terms that I learned today.
So Little Johnny turns to the woman and says, "Yeah, could you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"
Get Into Heaven 0votes
Little Johnny's exasperated mother, finally asked him after a particularly exhausting afternoon, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
Little Johnny thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out -- and in