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5 Lawyer Jokes

Dear Ex-wife
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Dear Husband 

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
 

Dear Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.

Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"

My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it.

I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

P.S.
I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

 

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A Unique Defense
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A judge says to a defendant, "Are you defending yourself?"

"Yes, Your Honor," I am.

"You know that if you can not afford it, the State may appoint you a lawyer."

"I know, Your Honor," says the attorney,

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New Hatch
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It was a nice day at the park by the lake.

Three guys were casting their lines to catch some fish and a couple were rowing in a small boat.

Two

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Call A Lawyer
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Someone mistakenly leaves the cages open in the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo and there are snakes slithering all over the place!

Frantically, the keeper tries everything, but he can't get them back in their

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Breach Of Contract
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Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce proceeding begin at once against his young wife.

"What's the problem?"

"I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract," snapped the magnate.

"I

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