5 Lawyer Jokes

Dear Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.

Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"

My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it.

I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

P.S.
I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

The younger of the two crows tried to show off and dove onto those three guys.

Tut, tut, tut.

But it went thud, thud, hitting only two of the three.

The older crow went towards the couple in the moving row boat.

Tut, tut.

And it went thud, hitting only one of the couples.

Since this was a moving target, it didn't seem all that bad.

Then out from nowhere came this little bird, wings still wet like it was just been hatched.

It dove towards those three guys. Tut, tut, tut.

Thud, thud, thud.

It swooped over to the row boat. Tut, tut.

Thud, thud.

Then a kid riding a bike came around.

It flew over there.

Tut.

Thud.

And it then rested on a tree branch.

So the two crows felt embarrassed and went over there, said, "We are impressed! Where do you learn to poop on people like that?"

The little one said, "I may be a new hatch but I've got plenty of experience. In my former life I was a lawyer."

Finally he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"

"A lawyer? Why?" asked the keeper's helper.

"We need someone who speaks their langauge!" shouted the zookeeper.

"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined "but I sure as hell expect exclusive drilling rights!"