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5 Lawyer Jokes

Polish Divorce
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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and

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Stay Clear
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A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake.

The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.

The gang was very happy to escape.

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Two Lawyers
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Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months.

The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided them their only food.

Each day

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Lawyer Jokes
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Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

 

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three; the rest are true stories.

 

Q:

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You Know You Are A Yankee If …
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  1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
  2. You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
  3. You
  4. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
  5. You don't know what a moon pie is.
  6. You've never had grain alcohol.
  7. You've never, ever, eaten okra.
  8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
  9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
  10. You have no idea what a polecat is.
  11. Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.
  12. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
  13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
  14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
  15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them you guys," even if both of them are women.
  17. You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
  18. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
  19. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
  20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
  21. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  22. You call binoculars opera glasses.
  23. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  24. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
  25. You don't know what applique is.
  26. You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
  27. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
  28. You've never been to a craft show.
  29. You get freaked out when people you don't know smile at you or talk to you.
  30. None of your fur coats are homemade.

 

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