5 Lawyer Jokes

escape.

"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! We had $100 when we broke in!"

be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a government sales representative:he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in government software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from the government field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration for the government: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in the government marketing plan: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a government tax collector: all he ever did was,.........I MISS him!But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"because you're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union.

He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait.

It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them.

They were married in a simple ceremony.

So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.

They went back to St. Peter, and said, "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?"

"Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!"

million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question.

He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer.

When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."