Lawyers And Whores 0votes
Q: How are lawyers like whores?
A: They both get paid to screw people.
Lawyers Dog 0votes
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his.
The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft,
The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"
"$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98.
Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.
Geese, Ducks & Lawyers 0votes
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q & A 0votes
Q: How does Herpes leave the hospital?
A: On crotches.
Q: Why do men die earlier than women?
A: I don't know either, but they cum first, so they might as well go first.
Q: What is the first
A: They open their drawers and put their things together.
Q: Where Do Lawyers Live?
A: In Legal Pads.
Q: What's The Difference Between A Lawyer And A Gigolo?
A: A Gigolo Only Screws One Person At A Time.
Q: What's The Best Way To Save A Marriage?
A: Go Out And Price A Few Divorce Lawyers!
Q: What do you throw a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.
Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need, but you can't understand a word of it.
Q: What do you get when cross a lawyer with a sorority girl??
A: I don't know, but when it sucks your cock, it doesn't stop until it gets blood.
Q: How is a lawyer like a pickpocket?
A: Need you ask?
Q: How can you tell if you are in a gay church?
A: Only HALF the congregation is kneeling!
Q: What's the difference between eating pussy or driving in a fog?
A: At least you can see the asshole in front of you when your eating pussy!
Q: what's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
A: Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day.
Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the Royal Ball?
A: She gagged...
Q: Why do cowboys wear Levi condoms?
A: Because they shrink to fit!
Q: What animal has an asshole half-way up its back?
A: A police horse.
Q: What do you call an(Ethnic) with a sheep under his arm?
A: A Newlywed.
Q: Why is it a bad idea to cook vegetables in an oven?
A: 'Cuz it melts the rubber on their wheelchairs..
Q: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
A: If it had four, it would be a sedan.
Q: There's a new size cigarette coming...
A: The QUEEN size...It has a broader butt!
Q: What's the problem with being the first one into work in the morning?
A: Tthere is no one to appreciate it.
Q: Why do women have sewing circles and quilting bees?
A: It gives them something to think about while they're talking..
Q: How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one - But it takes the entire emergency room staff to get it back out.
Q: Why Did The Minister Get Aids?
A: He Didn't Wash His Organ Between Hymns.
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross A Jehovah's Witness With An Atheist?
A: Someone Who Rings Your Doorbell For Absolutely No Reason At All!
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross A Hell's Angel With A Jehovah's Witness?
A: A Guy That Knocks On Your Door Saturday Morning And Tells You To Fuck Off!
Q: What's better then a foot in Washington DC?
A: Six inches in Virginia!
Q: Do you know how to make an elephant fly?
A: First ya' get a BBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG Zipper...
Q: Why is it when a man talks nasty to a woman it's Sexual harassment and when a woman talks nasty to a man it's $3.99 a minute?
Q: Why was the blond sniffing Sweet & Low?
A: She thought it was Diet Coke!
Q: Women, do not fart, belch, or sweat...
A: If they didn't bitch, they would explode...
Q: What's an Australian Kiss?
A: It's the same as the French kiss, only down under.
Q: What do you call it when the Pontiff goes out for a jog?
A: Pope on a lope.
Q: What's the difference between an Israelite & an Israeli?
A: About 30 pounds.
Q: What do you call a gynocologyst's office?
A: A womb room.
Q: What's the difference between a seagull and a baby?
A: The first one flits on the shore.
Q: What do drunken drivers and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at (Name?)U?
A: Too many students were drowning.
Q: What's a 1954 Ford pickup in (place)?
A: A bridal suite.
Q: How can you tell if you are at a high-class wedding in (place)?
A: The brides veil almost covers her overalls.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger with an elephant?
A: A 2 ton pussy that EATS YOU!
Q: Why did God give man more brains than a dog?
A: So they wouldn't hump ladies legs at cocktail parties!
Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
A: Wipe him off and apologize.
Q: Why is there so few lady truck drivers?
A: Because when you give them a big load it takes them nine months to deliver it.
Q: How do you make five pounds of fat attractive?
A: Put a nipple on it!
Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: in the the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know-it's never happened.
Q: What do you call kids born in a whorehouse?
A: Brothel Sprouts.
Q: What is the difference between a boner and a bonus?
A: My wife will blow my bonus...
Q: What's worse than a dead mouse on your piano?
A: A dead beaver on your organ!
Q: What do you call a homosexual milkman?
A: A dairy queen.
Q: What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
A: A Klondike.
Q: How can you identify a bull dyke?
A: She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Q: What do you call a lesbian opera singer?
A: A muff diva.
Q: Did you hear about the gay burglar?
A: He couldn't blow the safe, so he went down on the elevator.
Q: What's the definition of anilingus?
A: Tongue in cheek.
Q: Have you heard about the new radio station called WPMS?
A: Each month, they play two weeks of love songs, one week of blues, and one week of ragtime.
Q: What does a gay have after getting gang-banged?
A: A full moon.
Q: Whats the difference between AIDS and golf?
A: In golf, one bad hole won't kill you.
Q: How do they log on to a GAY network.?
A: Keystrokes: <---Ù : # # # ("Enter" "Colon" "Pound" "Pound" "Pound")
Q: What did the pilot of EgyptAir Flight 990 have in common with his copilot?
A: They both wanted to get to the other side.
Q: Moms have Mother's Day, fathers have Father's Day.
What do Single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: What three two-letter words denote "small"?
A: "Is it in?"
Q: What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts are a $1.25, but deer nuts are always under a buck.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: Did you hear about the 13 year old kid in Houston who took three Viagra pills?
A: They had to rush him to the hospital because he had 3rd degree burns on his hand.
Q: Why are men so concerned about the size of their penis?
A: Because they should be.
Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q: What's the similarity between shrimps and women?
A: Their heads are full of shit, but the pink bits taste nice.
Q: Why did God give men penises ?
A: So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q: What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
A: You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?
A: Its Braille for "suck here".
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why do women have tits?
A: So men will talk to them.
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A: You come in one and go in the other.
Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q: What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
A: Money.
Q: Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf?
A: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q: What's the best thing about a blow job?
A: Ten minutes of silence.
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.
Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'.
Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.
Q: What is a wedding tragedy?
A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.
Q: Have you heard about the couple who got married in a nudist colony?
A: They wanted everyone to be sure who the best man was.
Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night?
A: A last name.
Q: How is marriage like a hot bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose:
A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie?
Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
A: Buy her a diamond ring.
Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex?
A: Call her/him on the telephone.
Q: What's white, thick and rains upon the lands?
A: The -coming- of the Lord!!
Q: What do you call a woman with no legs?
A: A dirty cunt.
Q: "How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?"
A: "Why don't you just have us remove the socket. You aren't using it, and it'll only cause trouble in the future."
Q" What's The Difference Between A Woman And A Computer??
A1: A Woman Would Never Accept A 3 Inch Floppy!
A2: A Computer Will Go Down On You Without Dinner And A Movie.
A3: And A Computer Can't Turn A 3.5" Floppy Into A Hard Drive In A Matter Of Seconds...
Q: What's The Difference Between A Pedophile And A Greyhound?
A: At Least The Greyhound Waits For The Hare To Come Out Of The Box.
Q: What's The Difference Between A Clitoris And A Tavern?
A: 9 Out Of 10 Men Can Find A Tavern.
Divorce Case 0votes
It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the wife accused of incredible escapades, but thus far it had all proved rather disappointing, with nothing more than a
But this was the day when the wife was to take the witness stand for the first time, and the courtroom was filled to capacity.
Testifying before her own lawyer, she projected an image of sweet innocence, as she told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice.
At long last the wife's direct testimony came to an end, and the husband's attorney was given the opportunity to cross-examine.
He first re-established her name, relationship to the plaintiff, and other details of identification.
Then he picked up a paper from the table, studied it a moment, turned to her and asked, "Is it not true, Madam, that on the night of June twelfth, in a driving rainstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget on the handle bars of a careening motorcycle that passed through the center of Libertyville at speeds in excess of sixty miles per hour?"
The wife turned pale, but retained her remarkable self-control, and her voice was almost perfectly steady as she asked, "What was that date again?"