5 Lawyer Jokes

National Orgasm Week
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Organizers of the first "National Orgasm Week" held this year were very disappointed with the results obtained.

It seems at least three-quarters of the women polled just pretended to celebrate it.

The other quarter celebrated it over, and over, and over…

 

Brains
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A three-year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied

 

Artifical Pussy
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A very talented inventor devised an artificial pussy.

You could not distinguish it from the real thing.

Realizing what a money maker he haddevised, he approached a sea captain who was embarking on a six month cruise.

He made an agreement with the captain to split the profits 50/50 and charge each sailor $2.00 to utilize it.

Upon the end of the voyage the inventor was standing on the pier awaiting the ship.

The ship tied up and the captain came down the gangway.

The two embraced and the inventor asked: "How much did we make?"

The captain reached in his pocket, drew out a dollar bill and handed it to the inventor.

The inventor blew his stack.

He screamed, "What the hell, one dollar, didn’t they like it?"

The captain responded: "Oh yeah, oh yeah, the first guy liked it so much he ate it!!"

 

Playing Golf
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Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf.

Moses tees up and hits his ball into the water trap.

Nonplussed, he goes over to the lake, parts the water with his club, and hits the ball onto the green.

Jesus tees up next, and also manages to land in the water trap, where the ball curiously floats.

So he walks down to the lake, across the water, and hits his ball out onto the green.

Last to tee up is the old man, whose ball heads straight for the water also.

As the ball hits the surface of the water, a fish jumps up and swallows it and is immediately grabbed by an eagle, which deposits the fish on the green.

The ball shoots out of the fish’s mouth and rolls into the cup.

Jesus turns around and says, “Nice shot, Dad, but would you quit messing around and play golf?”

 

Blondes
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  • What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant with twins.
  • How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant. You know what she'll say after that? Is it mine?
  • Why can't blondes dial 911? They can't find the eleven on the phone.
  • Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter."
  • Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
  • Why was the blonde reviewing the ABCs? She was studying for a multiple choice test.
  • Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? They want to measure their intelligence.
  • Why do blondes stand under light bulbs? It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.
  • Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? In case they have to draw blood.

 

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