5 Lawyer Jokes

Questions
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  • If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
  • If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
  • Why do we say something is out
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  • Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
  • When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
  • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
  • If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
  • Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
  • "I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
  • Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?
  • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
  • Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

 

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Stamp Recall
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The post office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers.
It seems people were confused as to which side to spit on.

The Things Lawyers Say
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The following are actual questions asked by actual lawyers in actual court.

 

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.

 

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

 

Q: Was that the same

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Elbow Hurts
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A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."

"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can

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Brass Rat
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A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around.

After a while, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.

The proprietor said, that will be $10 for

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