5 Lawyer Jokes

hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills, then he went to place them in his mailbox to be picked up by the postman.

When he got there he was surprised to find a bill from the lawyer!

merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.

The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

 

finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases.

He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.

His plan was that when he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "

Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

 

where we are".

Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.

George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground".

So Harry yells down to the man, "Hey, could you tell us where we are?"

And the man on the ground yells back, "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".

George turns to Harry and says, "That man must be a lawyer".

Harry asks, "How can you tell?"

George says, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless".

 

them to make it to the island, one was going to have to swim away from the boat as a distraction out towards the open sea, while the other two swam for the island.

The JAG officer said, "I'll do it", and he jumped over board.

He quickly swam away while the other two jumped in on the other side of the boat and headed strong for the island.

The two made it and looked towards the open sea to see how the other man was doing.

To their surprise, the JAG officer was riding the back of a shark!

The shark then dropped him off at the island.

The JAG Officer then waved to the shark who swam away.

The Chaplain said, "It's a miracle!"

The Doctor said, "Medically, I just don't understand how you pulled that trick off!"

To which the JAG Officer replied, "Nah, it was just a professional courtesy."