5 Little Johnny Jokes

I am, a real Melbourne taxi driver, driving up Lygon Street at 70 miles and hour and picking up speed."

As he was busily steering, he was also making the accompanying noises of blowing the horn, cursing out pedestrians who ran across the street in front of him, giving drivers the one-finger salute who got in his way, and screeching his brakes as he tried to avoid being hit or hitting someone.

Little Mary was sitting on her tricycle watching intently.

Becoming interested in what he was doing and all the excitement he was having, she asked, "Johnny, can I please go riding with you. When you take that politician to his office, can I ride with you? Pleeeeeease Johnny!, Pleeeeeeeease!"

"Wait just a minute," little Johnny said, as he cut back the sound of his motor and began to slow down the sounds of his motor.

"I'll drop this guy off, swing around the block, come up the right way on that one-say street you're on and take you up for a quick ride."

Little Mary climbed on the back of the vegetable crate and said, "I'm in, let's go!"

"Hey, fasten your seat belt," little Johnny commanded. "I'm a real taxi driver and I like to drive fast. The faster I drive, the more money I make and the more people I hear scream. So, prepare yourself, I'm fixing to make the tires squeal!"

After checking things out and revving up the engine, off the went.

About the time he was up to 80 miles and hour, and had narrowly missed a tour bus, Little Mary announced that she had to pee pee.

"Hey, don't make to stop right now, I'm on the way to the airport to catch a flight for some guy who's late.

"I'm sorry, but you'll just have to hold on for a second," Little Johnny said quite concerned with her discomfort. "You've got to hang in there for another minute or so!"

Little Johnny heard something that sounded like water running and when he looked down he saw a stream of yellow running between his feet.

Then, he glanced around and to see better he turned around and stared -- there sat Little Mary with her 'girlhood' exposed.

"Gee, that little thing is cute," he said, "real cute. Would you mind if I touch it?"

She nodded that he could, and he did -- ever so very briefly. 

"Hey, would you like to kiss it?" she asked.

"Hell no, I don't. You got me all wrong. You must have forgotten just who you're riding with," exclaimed Little Johnny. "I ain't Don Lane or Bob Hawke, I'm just a Melbourne taxi driver!"

 

boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong."

The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."

"Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass."

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him.

He has not been running long when an old friend stopped him.

"Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"

"So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten minutes."

 

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.

So she bends over to pick it up.

This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

 

kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But, eventually, his turn came...

Little Johnny walked up to the front of he class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnny.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself."